Sometimes I can’t get over how differently we all interpret things and express ourselves. Last night my daughter was sharing with me about a new friend she made. When I asked her what her new associate was like, I stared inanely at her and tried not to laugh, “Well, she’s a little brown with a lot of beige… and our belly buttons are identical”. I wasn’t even aware that the closeness of a bellybutton could be so descript of a kindred bond. Where have I been? If I ask to see your bellybutton in the future, I’m not creepy. I’m merely trying to see if we are compatible.
Do
you ever have an argument with someone and it gets so heated even though you’re
both actually trying to say the same thing?
I’m a pretty laid back person when it comes to other people’s opinions,
behaviours and ideas… until you take advantage of anyone I love. Then I will hurt you using only my
words. I rarely get angry, but you will
calmly know exactly where I stand. I
remember a “debate” I had with several of my friends back in school. They insisted on one thing, but I was wording
it differently. Emotions were starting
to rise even though I think we were essentially and ineffectively saying the
same thing. In fact, I can feel the
verbal boxing gloves coming out just thinking about the philosophical question,
“can you feel hatred towards someone without hating them?” Ummm .. how can you possibly feel hatred and
not hate? If you are hating someone then
you are feeling hatred. Let me tell you
why I disagree. I would like to say, “let me tell you why I’m right”, but that
wouldn’t be using my gentle words.
Emotions
and feelings are not always based in truth.
We can feel something and effectively know in our head that it’s not
true or maybe we actually do believe it is true. “I feel like I’m a bad person” … does that
actually make you a bad person? “I feel
like you aren’t listening to me” … does that mean that they are actually not
listening to you? Maybe. Not necessarily. I’m telling you, during that debate, I was
starting to feel some hatred, but at the same time, I loved them like my own
sisters. My heart was mad enough to
break my composure, but my head still loved them. I suppose one could argue that I was feeling
anger; not hatred, but is it not possible for emotions and beliefs to escalate
into inappropriate thoughts?… unhelpful, but real feelings. If there is one thing that I have learned
over the past year, it’s that our thoughts, feelings and actions live in
distinction as well as cohesion. It’s
kind of like an egg … you have three parts; the shell, the whites and the
yolk. The three parts are whole … it’s
called an egg. However, you don’t have
to use all the parts at one time… personally, I usually throw out the
shells. Your thoughts, feeling and
actions are a whole too … that’s called you. What we feel or think impacts our
actions and vice versa; our actions can totally affect our feelings and our
thoughts … but is it possible that changing one element of this closely knit
triad could change an entire cycle?
Just
because I am feeling hatred, it does not mean that I have to think on it or act
on it. I can control my actions and
thoughts and soon find my feelings following behind. I wouldn’t say it’s a
science, but it kinda helps, you know? I
may even still carry some negative feelings in my heart … I am human… I think …
but it doesn’t have to consume me. I am
learning that a thought can go through your head, but that doesn’t mean we have
to make a guest room for it complete with fresh paint and a “rate your stay”
card. If a certain part of the egg is
rotten, then toss it … I’d rather have an egg without the yolk than an egg with
a rotten yolk. I totally just made
myself throw up a little bit. So, there
you have it …belly buttons are awesome and don’t eat rotten eggs…. It’s never helpful.
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