I don't understand

There has been something that has been eating at me for awhile.  It's taken a long time to be able to form my thoughts and put it into English words .  Oh how much easier it would be if you could all just grab a blanket and crawl into my head for story time.  Might be kind of scary in there though.  I'm still not completely sure I can express myself properly, but I'd like to give it a try.  I do fear that I will come off as a jerk, but it's not my intent. This whole concept has been something I've been working through on a broader sense and I will spare the details, but something I've been seeing on the internet helped me put it into words .... so here goes ...

Sometimes online I will see a picture of a person (of any age) with a disability, disease or abnormality.  I see the picture and usually whatever the case is, it's fairly obvious what the "problem" is.  My heart reaches to them.  Then I see a comment like, "press like if you think this child is beautiful" ... okay.  I never do, but I like to take a glance at the comments.  Seems like for every 50, "oh, that child is beautiful. God bless them!", there is 1, "that child is so ugly!".  It is then followed by a string of reprimands for the "jerk" who said that comment.  Why that 1 person felt the need express themselves that way, I'll never know.  If you don't think they are beautiful, then move on.  Right?

But ... I get that there are always going to be people who say inconsiderate things.  Maybe they want to be hurtful.  Maybe they just aren't thinking.  I know this about us as a human race.  What I don't understand ... and please bare with me as I try to express myself and what I'm feeling so deeply inside myself.  Why was a picture even posted?  Why the need to put up a picture of someone who obviously has something "different"?  I don't know who is doing the posting, but by putting up a public picture like that requesting to go "viral" is opening that person to those harsh comments.  I would be horrified if someone took a picture of me trying to walk up stairs and posted it (even with good intent) and I saw things written about me.  Let's face it, those pictures get 1000's of comments.  Here is the other part that has taken months for me to express in my own life.  Why the need to "praise" these people?  Why the need to ask people to express how beautiful they are?  Does that not send out the underline tone that there is something to compensate for?  

I believe the intentions are good, but are the comments genuine or accurate?  I look at a person who has severe deformities and I too can see the beauty in that person.  These people probably have a strength of character that most of us will never be asked to tap into, but to me, it's like pointing them out and saying, "let's make them more like us".  Let me point out that I am not talking about inspirational stories or pictures we share with each other.  I am talking about snapshots posted on the internet ... I pray that the person who posted those pictures had permission to do so.  If someone put a picture of an average, random child on the internet and asked people to press "like" because they are beautiful (with the intent of going viral), I think most of us would ask, "why?"  That child would probably get more negative comments.  "Why are we "liking" this child?  There is nothing different about them ... they look just like the rest of us".  Am I making any sense at all?  Perhaps it's the same concept of how we see a plus size model in her skivies and say, "good for you girl!", but don't pass the same experience to a super thin model.

I just feel that most people would prefer genuine praise, love and acceptance.   If we feel the need to "over praise" someone or point them out, are we not sending the message that there is something to compensate for?  To me, the message says, "you're different, but we are going to compensate for what is obviously different and try and make you feel like us without actually saying that there is something wrong with you".

Over sensitive?  Probably.

Summer project number 1

Well, summer break is here!  And with this comes lots of family craft time.  Now, by "family", I mean JJ and I.  Please don't be mistaken ... Matthew had no part in this.  So, here it is .... we started with ...

Yep ... it was that simple.  Elmers glue and some dye.  We then proceeded to write special messages with the glue .....

Then we dunked them is the tasty purple water ... no, we didn't taste it.  It just looked good ... and tada!

Tee's turned out a little fuzzy so I'd make sure the writing is fairly big next time.  There was so much dye left over so consequently, some skivvies turned purple.

The first time we met you

Tonight when JJ curled up with me to say goodnight, we chatted for a bit about her very quickly approaching birthday. The big 06. Whoa.  Better start looking into retirement homes. Fortunately, 6 years is enough time to forget the "adventure" of her birth and it was fun telling her all about it.  I think her favorite part was when I threw up on Sarah.  My favorite part was the epidural.  I think Matthew's favorite part was the conception.   Oddly enough, this is exactly the time 6 years ago that labour started.  True, she wasn't born for 2 more days ... 40 hours of labour.  This is often my argument when I want some affection from her. "40 hours of labour ... that's why you're going to come over here and let your mama kiss you."  So, 6 years ago we were sitting at Swiss Chalet when the adventure that is JJ began ...   Feels like a lifetime ago.  So ... I would like to invite you to share the story of the first time you met JJ or heard of her birth and what you thought ... or maybe just an early memory.  For some of you, it will be day 1 ... for some it will be recently.  I want to read them to her for her birthday. The other night I came into her room late at night as the tears came down her cheeks and she told me she didn't know what was special about her.  I'd like to show her.

 JJ, the first time I met you, you were flopped on my belly.  I looked at my midwife and asked, "is she mine?"  Misty laughed and said, "yes" ... considering you were still attached to me.  It was hard to believe even though you were the spitting image of your daddy.  I can still remember that feeling of you resting on me.  I held you against me like I was holding onto a football during the Superbowl. I was definitely a new mommy.  You were strong and beautiful and you had a head shaped like a cone.  You looked so much like daddy we thought we should keep you. :)

Here she is ... all 8bs 9 oz of her

We really liked her

then she tried to eat me

Hallelujah

She got a lot cuter when the pain started to go away ... a week later

Looking all Dickey

6 days old at Uncle Aaron's wedding ... youngest guest

No Pressure!

The other day I was working out ... well, not so much "working out" as trying desperately to look as cool as the "biggest losers" as I held onto every one of Bob's words of encouragement.  He's totally talking to me when he looks into the camera, right?  I'm not sure which I like more ... Bobercising or my Nordic Track ... maybe it's not which I like more, but which I loathe less. Dr. T definitely feels the bike is best ... and so it often wins out.  The guy is a genius so I'm thinking he might know a little ... well, maybe.  That's when Matthew stepped in.  As I was fake punching the walls with the best of them, he brought something to my attention.

"You're Dr. T's only patient with Miyoshi, right?

Ummm ... I'm kind of busy here, but ya.

Matthew went on to explain to me that if I'm his only patient and he's sort of the "Big wig" at Mac then how does he know what's going to happen to me.  We got thinking ... now, that's not always a good thing for Matthew and I to do simultaneously, but we did.  Perhaps the Dr. doesn't tell me my future because he's watching me to see what happens.  Matthew pointed out that I might be setting the bar for any future patients he deals with down the road.  I know he has spoken about me at conferences, but I have never thought that much about it.  Ya, so ... no pressure, eh?  In 10 years, a young lady might be coming to him with the same symptoms ... she might be asking all the same questions I'm battling with right now. When will I be in a wheelchair?  Does all this "physio" really make a difference?  How fast does this happen?  Why bother?  What do people see when they see me? *deep sigh* ... I guess it has to be worth something.  Dr. T emailed me a few weeks ago and reminded me of where I would be if I gave up. 

 Where would I be?  I'm not really willing to find out ...


And so I'm off to see him in a week.  Hoping I'm living up to the bar.  Not sure who set the bar.  I never seem to be able to get there, but I won't stop reaching.

My fav ...

So loving the organic coconut oil in my smoothies.  Loving the benefits.

Initiative

"Initiative" has been a key word around here lately.  Why you may ask? ...

Last week I was running around trying to get everyone ready for their day. Okay, "running" might not be the best word.  "Fast" is not a good descriptive word for me.  I was however, trying to do a lot of things at one time.  As JJ was sitting on the couch, three words came out of her cherub-like  mouth that stopped me in my tracks.  Words that were like nails on a chalkboard at that moment... "Where's my breakfast?" .. ohhhhhh.  My response? ...."JJ, are you serious?"

I decided that it was a good time to learn some new vocab.  "JJ, do you know what the word initiative means?"  Of course she had no idea what I was talking about after a few failed attempts to pronounce the word.

What followed was a somewhat humourous and empowering conversation as I tried to explain to her the benefits of taking breakfast into her own control.  I told her  I was here to help and answer questions, but that she needed to "start" the process. To her delight, when she "started the process", she ended up with breakfast a lot sooner than what it would have been if she had waited for me.  She also ended up having some control over what she ate. Not a bad deal ...  She still can't pronounce the word, but since this day, she has taken pride in her "big girlness" and has taken initiative in making her own breakfast.  Supervision is definitely necessary, but she's coming.  She's started making her sister's breakfast too.  It warmed my heart this morning when she got Tee a drink and I saw Tee sipping from the drink in JJ's hand.  She has great little lips.  At this rate, I'm going to be out of a job soon. No ... I'm pretty sure I'm still needed around here.


So ... I'm trying to teach my children about initiative, but where do I fall on the "initiative" scale?  Matthew and I are pretty opposite in a lot of things ... women are from Venus ... so they say.  In daily life, I'm usually the one who initiates things.  I'm the one who wants to go out and do something, clean up or start a new project.  I start it with a flurry ... and then there is my darling husband.  He doesn't like to start many projects, but I have never known a more dedicated man who will stick out anything until the bitter end.  No complaining.  We're like a train.  I'm the engine and he's the caboose .... and what a nice caboose he has ;)


But, what happens when you lose initiative?  What happens when you don't know how to start something ... or what you're supposed to do?  How do you take initiative of your own life when you don't know what you want or how to get it?  What happens when you don't know what the next step is?  How do you "start the process"?


I have no idea what my life is going to look like over the next 6 months.  I don't know what my body is going to allow me to do.  I don't know what opportunities I will have as both my children join the "school age" era.  The original plan is slipping away.  That's okay.  Remember, I'm a train ... I can always find the track.  I'm just not sure where the next stop will be or how to start the engine.  Ah, life does have a funny way of moving forward so maybe I'll just hop on board and see where this train is going.

Super cool person of the week

What?  Two posts in one day?  This is testament to my physical exhaustion and mental awareness as I sit at the computer after a busy day.  Upon looking over my posts, it has become painfully clear to me that I am severely lacking in super coolness.  The super cool person of the week has dwindled to super cool person of the month .... and more recently, super cool person of 2012.  So here you have it ... the super cool person of this week.  This is a tough one.  There has been a lot of super coolness this week among the people I come in contact with on a daily and semi-daily basis.  So, here it is:


Justine Dickey


Justine is my niece.  Now, before you think I'm biased to pick a family member, let me explain.  The first time I met Justine, she was a very young girl with a broken arm.  I was being sized up by a whole clan of Dickeys as Matthew's new girl friend.  I was quickly welcomed into the family which included a very cool little blondie with a great sense of humour.  Justine is no longer the little girl who wore a little white dress and spread rose medals at our wedding.  She's a beautiful young lady with an even crazier sense of humour.  I almost peed my pants when I saw a youtube video with Justine's friends.  They were doing a video project when Justine came bursting out of the bushes shouting, "welcome to Naria!!!"  Again, I must share this warped sense of humour.  Justine makes me laugh every time I see her with her off of the cuff remarks and indescribable dance moves.  Justine, I appreciate you coming to help with our fundraiser this past weekend and I am more than proud to call you my niece.