Things they never tell you before you have kids

Having worked with kids a lot before having my own I would have thought I'd known a lot about kids .... what I didn't know about was parenthood.  Here are a few things they didn't tell me about before that I wish I had known ... or maybe I'm glad I didn't know ...

• Upon becoming pregnant your body will become an open book for people to comment on. 
• You will pee your pants in the third trimester
• You may think you didn't get stretch marks on the bottom of your tummy, but it's only because you can't see them and your husband wisely didn't tell you until after the baby was born
• When you start to nurse people will either leave the room or stare.  For some reason people tend to be curious and althought it's still your boob people will watch.
• You will have to bring your little watering can with you to the bathroom for the first week
• If you have girls, your house will look like a pink ballerina threw up in it.
• You will have the urge to chew on your child's cheeks because they are "just so cute"
• You can be frustrated with your kids, but if someone else starts messing with them these claws you didn't know you had will come out.
• You will genuinely get excited about year end sales for children's clothing
• "Did she poop today?" will be a common question
• When you hold someone else's baby you will temporarily forget how much work they are and starting giving your husband "bedroom eyes"
• It is soooo much harder to lose weight when you stop nursing.
• You will need to put a lock on your bedroom door if you ever want to have sex again
• Things will go easier if you know what fore/hind milk, thrush, BPA and bumbos are before you have your baby
• You may be worried about giving birth to a three-eyed elephant child, but your children WILL be cuter than everyone else's 
• Your kids will make you laugh every day
• Your kids will ask you the wierdest and funniest questions.  You will have to learn how to answer them with a straight face
• Start studying because before you know it they are in kindergarten and they are correcting you on how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.

Trying to dress JJ in a shirt that's too small just after a thrush treatment.

No one said it was easy, but it sure has been an adventure!  Feel free to add your own to the list