Matthew: "JJ, that is not something we tell people. Go apologize to your Mom."
JJ: "Mommy, I'm sorry you have a big tummy."
.... Okay, I did laugh a little at that one ... despite that fact that it was her 8 lbs. 9 oz. that helped create that pouch.
Anyone else ever been just plan mad? That was me. I have been working out for over a year and a half and my scales have definately been affected .... the wrong way! I generally try not to weigh myself, but whenever I'm feeling good and noticing a difference I hop on. This was me a few weeks ago. After eating really well and adding an extra workout I was sure I'd lost weight .... nope, scales are up. A year and a half of workouts and my results ....6 pounds gained. Ya, so worth it.
I made the mistake of watching myself workout ... I looked like a house on stilts! Matthew says to think about where I would be if I didn't do these things ...oh great!!! So really I have no choice! I better pass on dessert so I only gain 1 pound instead of 2. I suppose I could quit eating, but let's face it, I want to enjoy life too!
I have calmed down some since this time and can think a little clearer. The 6 pounds may be a good thing. My clothes fit better, my muffin top is smaller and my arms and legs are rippling with muscles ... okay, my legs are still pretty skinny, but there is some bulk there instead of hallow pockets. The stilts holding up the house have turned into little poles.... I'll give it that. Muscle does weigh more than fat right? Still it would be nice to see the scales go down.
I also have to be careful with the way I react infront of the girls. I want them to develop healthy lifestyles, but I also don't want them to learn from their mother about a negative self image. Why would they want to exercise if they hear me complain about it all the time. Matthew and the girls have never complained about the way I look (except for the one comment awhile back) and I should be proud of my determination instead of throwing a temper tantrum. In the mean time I'll continue to eat healthy, load up on the summer fruits and veggies, keep working out and staying active with the girls.
Sometimes JJ will randomly tell me I'm beautiful ... that's the way I want her to see me. It's not because I'm thin and stunning ... I think what she really means is, "I love you". Maybe I should focus more on why she loves me instead of how I look. I want her to love me because I don't give up, because I try to do things with her and because I set a good example for her ... not because I'm super skinny and don't have sticks for legs. Perhaps I should workout my actions and my muscles. I'm never going to be a model, but I can exercise being a better parent.
And so I continue with 6 extra pounds of what is hopefully muscle.
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