Gather around sweet babies. Mama has a story.
Why is hindsight 20/20? Seriously ... if I could put as much clarity into my perception of the future, life would be as lovely as putting on a new pair of glasses for the first time. I want 20/20 for the future. Now guys, that's just not going to happen.
I wrote about hope over the past year and I thought it was time to put my money where my mouth is. It wasn't a lot of money .... just a couple of bucks. But here it is.
I worry. From talking to a lot of you, I think I can safely assume that I am not the only one. I worry about Kay running off. I worry about falling. I worry about how our schedules will work out. I worry about losing my license. I worry about whether or not the meat I had for lunch was bad.
Now, this is when friends come in handy. I have had the wondeful opportunity to put this into practice this year and with the help of a friend, I have learned that life is going to pass me by if I don't give up the worries and start embracing each day. When Matthew went back to work I frantically started calling around. How will I get Kay ready in the morning? How will I get her off the bus? What if she has episodes? If you remember, daily grooming has been somewhat of a nightmere for us. It's like walking on ice each morning. It feels like the military should be called in each time we tried to brush her teeth. Grooming is just painful for her and consequently for the rest of us... perhaps the whole neighbourhood. What was I to do? She is stronger than me now with her little baby six pack.
After a few days of calling around and getting nowhere, I tried another option .... prayer. No, it wasn't really "prayer", it was more of a conscience decision to have hope that God would work things out. I had tried and I was filled with fear and dread. I got a plan together and prepared for the best ... or the worst ... ya, it switched back and forth between the two.
I decided that routine and consistancy would be the best. We had gotten a cd from her teacher that was a recording of her and her classmates during "music and movement" class. It was an adorable cd that included all her classmates names and voices. The first time I played it, she ran to the couch and sat like a lady for "circle time". Score one!
The next thing we needed was a schedule ... for this we needed time. I started getting her ready earlier so that the mommy "quick quick as a bunny" mode wouldn't cause stress for anyone. Now, I can't breath the wrong way or speak too loudly, but you know what? The morning time with my girls is now my favorite time of day. We take our time. We sing and Kay does her morning yoga. I fall in love with her each morning. Instead of flailing on the ground as her prison guard tortured her by putting mittens on, she brings me her mittens and says, "mitttins". Awww. Little bunny.
I'm certainly not naive enough to think that things will always turn out perfectly. My point is this; in this situation, the worrying was a complete waste of time... pointless and not helpful. I take from this experience that a lot of situations in life require two things ... action and hope. You do what you can and you do it the best that you can. Farther than that, you just gotta hope. What is hope? " Hope is the state which promotes the belief in an outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life" (Wikipedia). To me, hope is the sense of peace I feel when I practice the faith that God is going to take care of us.
We met. We fell in love. We married. We had a baby girl. We had another baby girl. Story short ... this is where we are.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I loooooove love nominations
Oh how I love thee. Let me count the ways .... gag gag. Get a room already.
I really do love love. I'm a sucker for things like Valentine's day. Matthew on the other hand ... he says he likes to show his love every day. I think that is his romantic way of saying he just plain forgot. He totally forgot our first anniversary. Before you say, "awwww", I've learned over the years that Matthew is more random than that. I may not find a bouquet of red roses on the table on valentine's day, but on a random Tuesday, I may go to bed and find chocolate under my pillow or find myself on a horse drawn carriage the day after Christmas. I have been catching on ... sometimes he'll look at me and I'll run to look under my pillow, only to find the drool stain left from the night before.
I was talking to someone awhile ago about their upcoming "big" anniversary. Pretty much longer than I've been alive. They were making exciting plans and I can't help but think, "way to go!". Successful marriages are certainly something to celebrate. Not only just "making it work", but seeing couples still in love after 30 years. Love comes in so many different packages. We love our mommies and daddies. We love our friends. We love our chocolate covered almonds. And no one can describe the love you feel for your babies. Then there is that heart pounding, hands sweating, I-sound-like-an-idiot kind of love. Oh ... but how fast that turns into, did-you-get-the-garbage-out-in-time? kind of love.
Above our bed, we have three signs that say, "faith, hope and love" ... well, since the time Kay was jumping on the bed and smashed into the wall it says, "faith, love and hope" ... I totally need to switch that back. Anyways, I digress. valentine's may be a commercial holiday, but what a wonderful time to check out my relationships. Do I carry faith? hope? love? I hope so. Oh look, I guess I do have hope :)
This valentine's Day, you are cordially invited to nominate someone to be hit by cupid's arrow. Now as I was explaining to JJ this morning, cupid will not actually hit you with an arrow. She was very concerned about getting hit and getting all crazy at school. I think we might be related. I want to hear about someone in your life that has the gift of giving the love. Nominate your sweetheart, your lovely, your friend, your kid, your co-worker. Tell me why they deserve to be hit by cupid's arrow. Matthew and I will read through them and pick a winner.
Please do share and tell your friends. Just click on comment. Click on "comment as"and chose whatever you want ... anonymous if nothing suits you and then hit publish. If that doesn't work, you know how to reach me. I will announce the winner and prize on Valentine's Day.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Top quotes from the girls 2012
Top quotes from
the girls 2012 - the censored version ;)
“R asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.”
… Can I please be there when you tell your Daddy??
“Oh Mom! You’re
okay! I thought you got caught in the
lunder! I thought I didn’t have a mom
anymore, but I do!” … I’m glad I survived it, but what’s lunder?
“I look FANTASTIC today!!” … Sure wish I had the confidence
of a 6 year old.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Christmas through the years ...
Please travel with me as I walk down Christmas lane ...
*
*
*
Newly engaged ... mere babies
Newlyweds ...
Our first Christmas as a family of three
Yep, that's baby JJ inside my tummy. We just told everyone.
And 1 year later .... here she is. All Dickey
And then we did it again. Baby Kay in the belly ... not our best picture ... I remember loving the meds I got just before Christmas ... I was so pukey.
And there she is ... so worth the nausea ... ohh, look at those little cheeks and pants pulled up to her pits.
And then I didn't get pregnant ... phew.
Cutest babies in the world ... maybe not babies anymore
Getting big ... but daddy can still hold them
To date ...
And a few favorites along the way ...
| My little Christmas baby |
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| Nice tongue |
| You are the worst parents ever! |
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| Our little Christmas Winston Churchhill |
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| I can't guide the sleigh .. my eyes are closed |
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| I don't care if it's Christmas ... I am not waking up |
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| Happy baby |
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| Santa ate the cookies ... what does this mean? |
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| Christmas Cherub |
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Authority Privilege
Someone gave me a copy of White Privilege by Peggy McIntosh and it really got me
thinking. It’s about the unspoken
privileges that white people take for granted.
Now, it is a bit outdated and the demographic is different, but it made me think alot. Perhaps not the intent of the paper, but this is where it lead me. I shall call it …
hmmm. Authority Privilege?
Yes. I have heard
many times that it is a white, male dominated world. The signs around me tell me that it’s
probably true, but definitely changing.
Traditionally, when you hear “doctor” you think white male. When you hear “nurse”, you think white
female. However, being a female, I can’t say I’ve felt oppressed by males and
my pasty, British skin is a far cry from “black”. For this reason, I can’t say that I can
understand a coloured person’s experience on any level. Perhaps this is ignorant or how I’ve been
conditioned to think as a privileged, white person. I have very few people of colour in my
immediate life and it’s not something I really think about … but that does not
mean on any level that the problem does not exist. For
me, it’s not an issue. That’s my point
and I think the point of this paper. If
it’s not an issue for me, then I am guilty of being ignorant to a very
prevalent problem. The concern for me is
that one man’s situation is not the same as another’s. I have seen this many times with the people
around me. What is burdened on someone’s
heart is not necessarily burdened on another’s.
There are so many legitimate “causes” to be an advocate for that one has
to pick what leans on their heart and do their best to be supportive in another
man’s cause.
I understand all too well what she is saying in this paper,
but I must say right off that it is no more my friend’s fault for being born
without a disability than it is my fault for being born white. One does not naturally understand something
that has not been their own experience.
For this reason, it is so important to educate each other because I can
guarantee that every person who has read this article has experienced
suppression on some level … intended or not. This article taught me about a coloured
person’s experience and for that I am grateful and hope to be more sensitive in
the future.Let’s be honest here. When we meet someone for the first time, our brains are in overload. There is a lot of subconscious judgement that takes place. I believe dominance is established within 5 minutes of meeting someone. I once met a lady who was so threatened by me. She was studying to be a social worker and because I already had a degree and was working on my masters, she pushed and pushed me into a corner until I admitted to her that her degree would get her farther. Dominance. I guess she needed to feel that between us. I thought it was silly. I understand now how it feels to be in minority and to feel these unspoken social hierarchies. I don’t for one minute think that anyone looks at someone in a wheel chair and says or even believes that they are better. No. That would be socially unacceptable. But it’s there. I did an experiment a few months ago and asked people to be real about the following question, “what do you think when you see someone with a disability or someone who looks different?” I so appreciated the honesty. The answers varied from, “I feel more comfortable about my own flaws” to “I’m just glad it’s not me”. I don’t feel “judged” by people for having a disability and I certainly don't judge others with a disabilty, but I do feel the hierarchy. When I sit down to talk with someone stronger than me, more educated than me, prettier than me or more outgoing than me, I automatically take the lower position on the totem pole. And you know what makes it worse? Someone who officiously tries to help. Yes, it’s kind and often necessary, but it no less makes the gap of dominance bigger. You are undoubtedly the winner. I can’t top that. Sure, I can try by impressing you with my strength of character, but in my mind, you win. This thinking is probably wrong, but digress with me. You have a doctor and a patient. A doctor is a servant to the people around them, but it is definitely a dominant role. Even nurses respect the authority of the doctor. This is just the hierarchy of life. I see it within the medical field all the time … from the specialists down to the receptionists. When someone is helping me dress or meeting a need, I can assume that I will be treated with respect, but the person of authority and the person of vulnerability have been assigned very clear roles.
My experience lies in the area of physical disability. Someone else’s experience might have more severity or lie in a completely different area. Like someone of colour living in a white man’s world, there are conditions that someone with a disability or illness cannot count on living in an able bodied world. Again, I point out that I do not blame any able bodied person, but these are things that I have seen my friends, family, acquaintances and strangers take for granted. Of course, none of these things are a reason for anyone in a minority to have an unfulfilled life.
Being able to get out of a booth or chair at a restaurant
Having a washroom available that they can use
Purchasing items on the bottom
shelf at a grocery store
Wearing shoes properly
Not being starred at … unless their skirt is tucked into
their underwear.
Generally assuming that a compliment is merited and not
awarded because the standard is lower.
Falling calls for a normal response instead of looks that
suggest a poem be written about the tragedy that is their life.
Being able to try clothes on in a change room
The positive feelings of self worth that come from physically helping others.
Choosing a career
based on desire, education and skills.
Choosing recreation based on desire and means.
Thank you to the people who have helped me and my family and who have always treated us with respect.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Kay, Katie, Katelyn
Kay,
I write this for you and I write this for me. It’s been an interesting year. We’ve asked a lot of you. I know you don’t like to learn new things or
have things changed on you, but we do it for you. It’s amazing how much you grow when you start
to understand new things. I can’t
believe how much you have grown over this past year. I’ve seen you go from hardly acknowledging us
to looking right in our eyes and saying, “Mama and Dada”. Please know, that whatever this life offers
you, you are an amazing person with the potential to do anything. Never let anyone tell you less. You are who God wanted you to be. Your name means “pure and consecrated to
God”. You are the very best there
is. I sat by your crib last night as you
were getting sleepy. I poured my heart
out to you. I have no idea if you
understood a word I was saying, but the way you sat up and listened made me
feel so loved. You warmed my heart as
you said, “nite nite nite” and lay down.
I loved hearing the little snores that followed. You did that.
You made me feel loved. I hope we
can make you feel just as loved.
~Mama
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
33
One thing I have learned over the past week is that I can be very weird. Yes. And nothing can point this out more than spending a few days with your best friend from grade school. What a wonderful week it has been. I do point out that just because a friend will do anything for you does NOT mean they CAN do everything for you. We have ended up on the floor laughing on several occasions this week in a failed attempt to get me off the couch. Yes ... with a visit from an old friend and a birthday, nostalgia has definitely kicked in this week. But doesn't it every year? Matthew so lovingly pointed out today that I'm getting smile lines around my eyes. At least I don't have hair growing out of my ears. I'm not quite ready for false teeth and depends.
Apart from the grey hairs and memory loss, the thing I will miss most about leaving "32" is not being able to say one of my favorite lines from FRIENDS ... "You're 32 Joe, 32. A reminder I say to myself when I'm not acting my age. As mentioned this morning, I am now the age Jesus was when he died. This concerned JJ about whether or not I was going to die. Her response after I told her I wasn't worried about it today, "Ya, because when you go to heaven your legs will be strong. You can run and dance! I can't wait for you to die!!!"
Let's see, so far for my birthday I've been dropped on the floor, told I was getting wrinkles and got a death wish. I feel so good about myself.
No. It's been a really great week. I got an adorable bracelet that says "best mom" and the funnest T-shirt ever from Matthew that says, "On a scale of 1-10, what's your favorite colour in the alphabet?". If you know anything about me, you will know that I LOVE this shirt because I see every letter/person/date in colour and I cannot be convinced otherwise. How can a "C" be red when it is obviously yellow. duh.
How blessed I am to have so many people in my life over the past year. How blessed I am to have so many people give me candy today. In the words of JJ, "best day ever".
Apart from the grey hairs and memory loss, the thing I will miss most about leaving "32" is not being able to say one of my favorite lines from FRIENDS ... "You're 32 Joe, 32. A reminder I say to myself when I'm not acting my age. As mentioned this morning, I am now the age Jesus was when he died. This concerned JJ about whether or not I was going to die. Her response after I told her I wasn't worried about it today, "Ya, because when you go to heaven your legs will be strong. You can run and dance! I can't wait for you to die!!!"
Let's see, so far for my birthday I've been dropped on the floor, told I was getting wrinkles and got a death wish. I feel so good about myself.
No. It's been a really great week. I got an adorable bracelet that says "best mom" and the funnest T-shirt ever from Matthew that says, "On a scale of 1-10, what's your favorite colour in the alphabet?". If you know anything about me, you will know that I LOVE this shirt because I see every letter/person/date in colour and I cannot be convinced otherwise. How can a "C" be red when it is obviously yellow. duh.
How blessed I am to have so many people in my life over the past year. How blessed I am to have so many people give me candy today. In the words of JJ, "best day ever".
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