Livid: adj. - Extremely angry; furious

JJ: "Mommy, you have a big tummy"
Matthew: "JJ, that is not something we tell people.  Go apologize to your Mom."
JJ: "Mommy, I'm sorry you have a big tummy."


.... Okay, I did laugh a little at that one ...  despite that fact that it was her 8 lbs. 9 oz. that helped create that pouch.

Anyone else ever been just plan mad?  That was me.  I have been working out for over a year and a half and my scales have definately been affected .... the wrong way! I generally try not to weigh myself, but whenever I'm feeling good and noticing a difference I hop on.  This was me a few weeks ago.  After eating really well and adding an extra workout I was sure I'd lost weight .... nope, scales are up. A year and a half of workouts and my results ....6 pounds gained.  Ya, so worth it.


I made the mistake of watching myself workout ... I looked like a house on stilts! Matthew says to think about where I would  be if I didn't do these things ...oh great!!! So really I have no choice! I better pass on dessert so I only gain 1 pound instead of 2.  I suppose I could quit eating, but let's face it, I want to enjoy life too!


I have calmed down some since this time and can think a little clearer.  The 6 pounds may be a good thing.  My clothes fit better, my muffin top is smaller and my arms and legs are rippling with muscles ...  okay, my legs are still pretty skinny, but there is some bulk there instead of hallow pockets. The stilts holding up the house have turned into little poles.... I'll give it that. Muscle does weigh more than fat right?  Still it would be nice to see the scales go down.  

I also have to be careful with the way I react infront of the girls. I want them to develop healthy lifestyles, but I also don't want them to learn from their mother about a negative self image. Why would they want to exercise if they hear me complain about it all the time. Matthew and the girls have never complained about the way I look (except for the one comment awhile back) and I should be proud of my determination instead of throwing a temper tantrum.   In the mean time I'll continue to eat healthy, load up on the summer fruits and veggies, keep working out and staying active with the girls.  


Sometimes JJ will randomly tell me I'm beautiful ... that's the way I want her to see me.  It's not because I'm thin and stunning ... I think what she really means is, "I love you".  Maybe I should focus more on why she loves me instead of how I look. I want her to love me because I don't give up, because I try to do things with her and because I set a good example for her ... not because I'm super skinny and don't have sticks for legs.  Perhaps I should workout my actions and my muscles.  I'm never going to be a model, but I can exercise being a better parent.


And so I continue with 6 extra pounds of what is hopefully muscle.

Puppy Princess Party

This weekend was our annual party for both the girls.  JJ's birthday is in June and Tee's birthday is in August so in July we invite both families to help us celebrate our two little puppies.  Last year was Princess fairies and this year's theme was Puppy Princesses.  I went to the party store looking for help, but they had no ideas so I got busy looking on the internet and coming up with my own ideas.  Here's what we came up with ...

First you have to have a cake ....

Then you need puppies!

And decorations ... we painted doggie bones and covered them in glitter

You also need Doggie tags so that no one gets lost and Doggie dishes to serve the food ...

And of course .... Guests!

 

Happy Birthday to the two cutest puppies in the world.  Happy 5th JJ!  Happy 3rd Tee!  You are two very loved little puppies.  Thank you everyone for making it a special day for them.

Justine and Jessica ... Cray Cray Girls

This blog is dedicated to two super awesome girls.  You asked for it, so here it is .... I asked my mom not to tell you, but I write blogs.  Uncle Matt tricked me into doing it when he married me.

J-Jolly
U- Unique
S- So chill
T- Text crazy
I- Intelligent
N- Not fat
E- Extraterrestrial


J-Just right
E-Excitable
S- Silly
S-Sweet
I-Interesting
C-Crafty
A-A monkey

Nutritious and Delicious

Who said healthy has to taste bad??!  A friend told me about spaghetti squash and I had to try it.   First I made some homemade skeddie sauce.  I'm not good at following directions so I didn't use a recipe.  It's pretty much blended tomatoes, ground beef, finely chopped veggies (I really like the peppers, asparagus, carrot mix) and onions.  I then added a container of low fat cottage cheese and spices to taste.

We cooked a spaghetti squash in the oven (cut in half) for about 45 mins.  In case you didn't know, spaghetti squash is the actual name ... I didn't know that.  It's the yellow one.  Once it was cooked I scraped it out with a fork and it made tonnes of "noodles".  Poured the sauce over it and sprinkled with Parmesan cheese.  Yummy!

I think it would be fun to put the "noodles" back into the yellow squash rind and serve it like it's a bowl.  I think it would be fun and exotic looking! To our next future dinner guests ... this is probably what I'm serving ;)

Miracles

Miracles are more than just the topic of a classic song from 1975.  "I believe in miracles.  Where you from?  You sexy thing".  Catchy tune, but not where I'm going with this.  Miracles are events attributed to divine intervention.  I guess that means anything that only God could pull off. I know we use the term really broadly.  "It's a miracle I made it through that traffic" ... or the birth of a baby is often described as their own miracle.

You can read about miracles in the Bible ... things that Jesus did that awed people.  Turning water into wine .... the loaves of bread and the fishies.  This post isn't going to give you a bold opinion.  It's merely an exploration of the topic.

I haven't thought too much about miracles.  I believe they happen, but they don't seem to be so "in your face".  I tend to live my life with faith as I see God's blessings over us.  I feel like there has been someone watching over us.  Nothing overly dramatic ... just a feeling of peace and seeing things fall into place when we look back over good and bad times.  I've prayed and I've seen prayers answered.  Not quite as bold as seeing a blind man healed before me.  Do miracles like that still happen today?  Can God really do the impossible?

I really believe that He can.  Then why don't I ask him to?  I'm not so naive as to believe that I know what would be best for me or anyone else, but I do believe that God listens to our prayers.  I've always thought that you should ask God things and wait to see what he thinks is best.  Should I have more faith behind my prayers?  Should I pray believing He WILL do what I ask him or should I pray believing He CAN do what I ask him?  I look back on certain situations where I prayed ... jobs, relationships, houses, babies ... and boy am I glad my prayers weren't answered the way I wanted it to be.  I could have ended up in some crappy situations if I had gotten my way at the time. But what about bolder things???  What about miracles?  Does God still do straight out miracles?  Does God just do a miracle or do you have to ask for it?


You may be wondering where this is all coming from.  It's just something I have been thinking about ... a shift in my thought process I guess you could say.  It was new to me. 

JDD - You shine like the stars.

 I have sung this song to JJ almost every night since she was a baby ..... I love singing it together with her now ....happy 5th birthday sweetheart.  I just love who you are turning into.

Amazing
The morning cold and raining,
dark before the dawn could come
How long in twilight waiting
longing for the rising sun
ohoh ohoh Oh ooh

You came like crashing thunder
breaking through these walls of stone
You came with wide eyed wonder
into all this great unknown
ohoh ohoh Ohoooh Oohh

Hush now don't you be afraid
I promise you I'll always stay
I'll never be that far away
I'm right here with you

[Chorus]
You're so amazing you shine like the stars
You're so amazing the beauty you are
You came blazing right into my heart
You're so amazing you are...You are

You came from heaven shining
Breath of God still fresh on you
The beating heart inside me
Crumbled at this one so new
ohoh ohoh Oooh ooohhh

No matter where or how far you wander
For a thousand years or longer
I will always be there for you
Right here with you

I hope your tears are few and fast
I hope your dreams come true at last
I hope you find love that goes on and on and on and on and on
I hope you wish on every star
I hope you never fall too far
I hope this world can see how wonderful you are


JJ's birthday photoshoots ....

6 weeks old

First birthday!

Second birthday!

Third birthday!

Fourth birthday!

Fifth birthday!

Judged

It happened again .... judgement.  Now, before I play victim I am fully aware of why this happens and that I do it too.  It is easy to make judgements based on your own experience and what you know to be true.

Tee and I have spent months perfecting our daily independant walks.  It is at the point now where all I have to do is stand by the door with two mini "Teepops".  Tee goes and puts her shoes on, politely climbs into her stroller and excitedly opens her little pops with her cubby little fingers.  I am then given the gift of a 30 minute walk.  What a blessing to have this ... you will understand why if you understand four simple words ... "Muscular Dystrophy" and "flight risk".  I'm rather proud of us for being able to do this on our own.

I enjoy meeting people along the way and stopping to talk for a minute.  But then you get the comment, "can't she walk?"  It's almost like they think she should be old enough to walk on her own so they question why I would  have her in a stroller.  My first instinct is to explain the situation, but I don't owe a stranger an explanation.  It takes a lot to just smile and walk away.

I felt the same way on Saturday.  Matthew, JJ and I were excited to walk through the mall to the theatre for her birthday party.  We were in typical Dickey style.  Three of us in a line.  Me with my cane and walking pretty slowly compared to the hurried shoppers.  One lady gawked at us as we passed by.  I asked Matthew why she was starring and he said that she was probably trying to make it all make sense in her own head.  She probably isn't used to seeing a mother with a young child using a cane.  Okay, I can understand that.  She probably didn't think about how we can see her staring at us. 

I guess we question things when they don't make sense to us .... even if we don't know what's going on behind the scenes.  A dear friend of mine wrote an article about this.  She has started a blog about her experience as she tries to get medical help to understand why she can't lose weight.  If you'd like to follow her journey you can read it at www.beautifulbeyondbig.blogspot.com  

In the mean time I will continue to do things the way we need to without worrying about what other's think of us.  I am open to ideas and suggestion to help us, but if I get a blank stare when I bring up the word "autism" or "flight risk", I'll just know that they don't understand and that's okay.  I probably don't understand something about them.